MEN ARE LIKE BUSES

That's all I'll say. No actually, I can't, it's not in my genetic make-up not to elaborate. I think we ladies must emit the right mix of pheramones (sp?) about once every 2 years or something and wham - eight men all of a sudden flock around us, flapping and squawking (There is variation of course. For some of us - Katie Wolicki - there is never a time when we are not emitting the right mix, and for others it seems we are always emitting the wrong kind, but for the girls somewhere in the middle it's about 2 years).

Now I'm not complaining. I, like the next girl, hang a lot of my self-worth on whether fanciable guys fancy me back, so when more than one guy that I like suddenly takes an interest, I'm flattered, but why, when I've known them for years, do they pick the same time to start acknowledging my existence in more than a platonic (shut up Mark) way???Was the lighting good? Was I wearing new body lotion? Did I leave the conversation at the right moment? Did I suddenly start saying all the things men want to hear? I really don't know! Hooking up is the reason for our being after all, and if we humans hadn't gone and complicated it all by starting wars and inventing the 3rd world (progressing at the expense of others), well, then there'd be nothing else to do but wander around having sex, getting married, getting bored, and starting all over again. But instead we have created problems that have nothing to do with finding a partner and decided that we must inject meaning into our lives by trying to fix them - the economy, the rainforest, the EU...We complicate and complicate until the time we have left for what we're actually here for dwindles and we get grumpy and pissy and create even more problems.

Ever notice how much happier you are, how the small things just don't seem to matter that much when you're in a good relationship? - Especially right there at the start, when the air is charged with tantalizing expectation and you haven't found the time to let all the bad stuff in yet! I like that place, but I like the places it goes after that too. Now it sounds like I'm whining about more than one boy liking me, but I'm not, really I promise. I just wish guys would admit that they are as complicated as we girls are, that there is some undercurrent perceptible only to men.

My other theory, which I have recently been pontificating on to various members of both sexes is that there are 2 types of people. Both men and women fall into two broad categories - the ones who only ever find someone desirable if they are clearly desired by someone else already, as if they must be validated first, proven worthy; and the ones for whom a sort of wall descends when they realise that someone else is attracted to or has claim over that person already. Now I think both are survival techniques and probably have a biological basis like most psychology. Possibly the former is the desire to have the most powerful and alluring mate, as if that trait is an indicator of virility, an indicator of strong offspring and success of later generations. Or it could simply be that the person lacks the confidence to choose a suitable mate and must rely on the eyes of others to do the job. The latter could be perceived as a means for the less dominant of the species to survive by conflict avoidance. If a potential mate approaches and is available then there is a safety, an absolute certainty that one can be successful. Where as absconding with another person's partner is a dangerous pursuit - not for the faint hearted.

Maybe this is an over simplification. My best friend also liked the first boy I ever really liked, and although we survived and were probably made stronger by that fact, we were not playing for keeps the way we would be now at the age of 22. Maybe it was this experience that pushed me into the latter category, maybe I am only there because of experience and not biology. Or could it be a mash of the two? I hate winning because it means someone else loses. But is this because I know what it feels like to lose? or is it something I always had? I find human sociology fascinating and I could go on, but I think I will leave it there.

In Honour of Richard Whiteley's unexpected death:

3 8 10 25 75 100

213

(I haven't tried it yet, but give it a go)

I Really Don't Have Time for This

To Do List
1) stuff clothes into black plastic bags
2) send last month's rent to Raj
3) vacuum and dust flat
4) clean bathroom
5) toss out boxes and take paper to be recycled
6) send Steph's present
7) Paediatric slide exam and OSLER
8) Meeting with solicitor (2.30 Friday)
9) leave matric card with Emily so she can use gym and pick up undelivered packages
10) repack suitcase because keep taking out clothes to wear
11) do 3 loads of laundry (I don't have a dryer so it all gets hung up on drying rack)
12) haul stuff down to Ayr (thank you Uncle Jim!)
13) leave money for any outstanding bills with Emily (phone, electricity)
14) leave debit card detail with her so she can pay for plates when they arrive
15) pick up USMLE practice exam and books from Lindy (thank you Lindy!)
16) go running
17) control desire to text Chris for no reason
18) leave address with Raj so can send deposit back
19) full day of paediatrics teaching tomorrow in Dept. of Child Health LT
...I think that's it

I don't anticipate anything interesting happening to me in the next couple of months so please forgive me if I don't update this very often! I may be tempted to tell you about genetic disorders of lipid metabolism while I'm studying for this damn exam, so count yourself lucky!

Germany

Hey all!
Just got back to Glasgow from Germany. It was beautiful on Lake Konstanz (Bodensee). The lake is 40 miles long and 2 miles wide and it touches Germany, Austria and Switzerland. The town that they are staying in is called Langenargen, but it sounds like Lang-in-oggin when the Germans say it. We took a day trip to Austria on a boat, then took a gondola to the top of a mountain, then a train home. It was a long hot sticky day, but we ate yummy pizza at the end which made it all OK! I spent 4 days with my sister and brother (Dad and Andi happened to be there too). The weather was fantastic. I got sunburned, but it settled into a nice golden tan. We went to the swimming pool nearly everyday (svimbat as they call it, I'm spelling it phonetically of course). We ate organic strawberries and this yummy seed bread that was covered in sunflower seeds with butter and homemade jam and honey, and lots cheese and cold meats. The day we went on our boat trip we had brunch in the big hall and everyone seemed fine, but just as we were finishing our museli and yoghurt Tom began to vomit copious amounts of half digested sour breakfast all over Andi and himself and the floor. Luckily Dad knows the word 'Spew' in German and told the lady who runs everything. The house that Andi has rented for the summer is in this little village run by the Catholic church - Old people groups, handicapped groups, and children of different ages with their families come for a few weeks, it's not really religious, but there are meditation circles and communal meals. Dad calls the woman that runs it Frau Hitler because she is so strict and anal about everything, like clearing the plates in a certain order and not doing this and doing that. By all accounts they think Andi and Dad are pretty weird because they don't eat the food in the dining hall and they don't follow the rules and join in all the activities. Hannah and Tom were both delights. I love the way they are little sponges and I could perceive a distinct improvement in Tom's German over the four days, by the end of the summer he will not be speaking English at all! Hannah and I shared the sofa bed. She kept asking if next time I would bring Michael. I tried to explain that Michael had hurt me very badly and that when that happens sometimes people can't be together anymore. She asked me how he hurt me and I said that he said things that were mean and did some things that were mean. By the end of the weekend she was convinced that maybe Michael would be nice and make things better and then he could come visit next time. She is also starting to ask about sex and I tried to explain that it was something a boy and girl of the same age (much older) do together and that they can't be related, but then I revised and said that sometimes girls have sex with girls and boys have sex with boys but mostly it was a thing that people of the opposite sex do together. She also has it in her head that not wearing underwear is 'sexy'. I have no idea how a 3.5 year old would arrive at this perception, but she has nonetheless! She also wanted me to send her a play fridge for her birthday, but I said it was too heavy to send to Germany. Then she wanted a bracelet, a necklace and dangly clip-on earrings and I had to send them to Germany, even tho they arrive back in the US the day after her birthday in August. Kids are so crazy!

Things I LOVE today:

parsnip crisps: laugh if you will, but they are almost as yummy as sweet potato chips. And you can get them at Pret a Manger

rhubarb yoghurt: as you've probably noticed, neither yoghurt or parsnip crisps are Atkins, I have failed, mainly because I was nauseous and I've decided healthy lo-cal and hi-exercise is the best way because it changes your lifestyle and eating habits for good and you can sustain it a lot longer, so here's to behaving myself

Grey skies of Glasgow: basically because I forgot to wash my face this morning, so I have on my anti-aging night cream and not my SPF 15 day cream, so my skin is super sensitive to sunlight, but lucky me, I live in Glasgow and the sun never shines, so damage is minimal!

Fake tan: I'm going to get one before I go home. They make you look thinner and you look better in white! Why, oh, why are all of my loves so narcissistic and shallow or food? I am such a cow!

Batman Begins: I love the fact that Katie Holmes was the only American in a film about a city that is so quintessentially American. But it was damn entertaining, I especially loved the hilariously gruff voice Mr Bale put on when he was in his bat costume.
Christian Bale: English/Welsh depending on who you talk to
Michael Caine: Cockney Londoner
Laim Neeson: Scottish
Gary Oldman: English
Cillian Murphy: Irish (Republic of) - and the man with the most gorgeous blue eyes ever, if you get a chance to watch Disco Pigs (not for the faint hearted), he is so mega-intense it's totally captivating (but he is a bit scary, a little too good as obsessive and slightly autistic Pig, I cannot exactly diagnose his bizarre personality disorder, but Pig and Runt have a most unusual brand of closeness. I witnessed something like this only once when I was 12 and staying at a state park campground on the S.C. coast and there were was a girl and boy who had a relationship akin to the one in the movie, which made me vaguely uncomfortable and like I was had stumbled in on something unsavoury and lewd despite being presented with no concrete proof of any vile acts). of course he's good in 28 Days Later, Girl with the Pearl Earring, and Intermission too, but Disco Pigs was the first thing I saw him in and I was spell-bound. He's newly married though, drat, but I guess the implausibility of our meeting and falling in love was always fairly apparent and I do prefer real people even if they most of them can't act particularly well.

QUESTION: I am planning to have a birthday party in October or November (I know my birthday is in August, but I haven't had a party since I was 13, which means I missed 16, 18 and 21, so I've decided that 23 is going to be a big one). The question is should I have a 'black and white' theme or a 'James Bond' theme? I would like the black and white to be dressy, like men in penguin suits and girls in LBDs, but Hilary wants to come as Cruella DeVille because she has the costume from her skating competitions. I just don't know. What do you think?

Things I LOVE Today

1) Lancome icy tubes lip gloss with SPF 15: it tastes like yummy pineapple and tingles like cool mint

2) Atkins: OK, so really I hate it with a passion, but it does work really well, and totally erases my appetite, for that I must be grateful. Now on Day4. The plan is to stick to it all summer, so that I will finally stop whining about by lard ass, because I have no one to blame but myself for lacking discipline and loving bagels.

3) 1/2 Marathons: no, seriously, I love these! After training for the 10K and running about 100 of them (only 2 in any formal way, tho), I can now run for over 2 hours, which means I can theoretically do a 1/2 marathon, which is a good thing as I have signed up for one on September 5th. I am merely writing this down in the hope that I will get some motivation and start running again, since I haven't actually run more than a mile since the May 15th women's 10K (over 14,000 women ran it!!!!!). But my trainers are stinky and I need new ones, so I have been using their lack of cushioning as an excuse for getting out on the open road - what a lame-ass, I know! Anyway, I am running the Glasgow 1/2 marathon for Kidney Research in honour of my friend Stephanie. So if anyone wants to pledge some $$$$$ that'd be great! She is so strong and brave and nobody ever thinks about the kidneys until something goes wrong with them, which is a shame because they are pretty spectacular!

4) Mr and Mrs. Smith: OK it was mediocre, but the chemistry was undeniable, and let's face it - that's why we all went to see it! I liked Angelina's legs, which are impossible! What I hated about Ocean's Twelve, I liked about this, the stuff clearly going on for the benefit of the cast, and not the audience. I also like Seth Cohen and Lester Long. It was pretty entertaining and if you go in thinking that all you are expecting is to see lots of bullets flying, lots of Angelina's flesh, and lots of Brad being cutesy funny, you won't be disappointed.

5) My giant cyber folder that holds all of my uni bits and bobs: You may wonder why it might be that I love my folder so much, but mainly it is because I have also saved some rather important e-mails from Mandy about you-know-who (not Voldermort), e-mails from you-know-who and even some of my own highly articulate and boldly emotional e-mails to you-know-who. So whenever things are a bit slow on the dating front and I start to think that maybe he wasn't so bad after all (start to think that I'll never have so deep a love for another person as long as I live), I read over these and remember how miserable I was and that actually I am still bitterly heartbroken about it all and I know to leave well enough alone, not least because never in my whole life has he ever given me the slightest concrete proof that his love for me was anything more than a desire to validate his own existence, nothing more than a blanket for his own security. Which makes me a little nauseous and totally reconvinced that ending it was the right thing to do. And I don't fret that I'm 22 and about to leave university and that the prime opportunity for meeting a mate is about to terminate. It was entirely my choice to spend so many of those years pining over him and not really giving anyone else a chance. I don't harbour any ill will. I only know that I am a kinder, purer, more centred and emotionally stable person on my own. And I hope only Mandy and Mark read this blog, but I guess I'm partially in the mood to take a great risk in so candidly revealing my current inner thoughts on the internet, so caution be damned, I don't care who knows that I have a broken heart, and that I was wavering there for a moment, because the moment has passed and it's OK to be weak sometimes. Just as long as I don't cheat on my diet and look good in my bikini, it'll all work out in the end...

Weekend Movie Review

I decided that because I have absolutely no life outside of the Royal Hospital for Sick Children this 5 week block, I'm going to take a leaf out of Mandy's book and write a review of my film viewing this weekend. They are as follows:

on DVD and video
1) PIECES OF APRIL - starring Katie Holmes, Patricia Clarkson, Oliver Platt, a girl with a really annoying upturned nose, and a lot of gritty documentary style camera work
2) PHANTOM OF THE OPERA - starring Emma 'what's with her teeth and where do her visceral organs fit?' Rossum, yummy Gerard 'I scream because I can't sing' Butler (he tried really, and he's Scottish and played Dracula once and so he's not all bad), Patrick 'could I be any blander' Wilson, Miranda 'weird French accent despite the fact that my daughter is a cockney rebel' Richardson, Simon 'always perfect in every role' Callow, Minnie 'HaHa' Driver (absolutely stole the show), and my personal favourite Jennifer 'I've had a boob job, released a naff single, was a soap star and now think I can make it in Hollywood' Ellison

on The Big Screen
1)MONSTER-IN-LAW - starring Jane 'I'm supposedly smart and political, but got bored and thought I'd try my hand at schlocky romance' Fonda, J. 'always play the same character, but still a better actress than singer' Lo, Michael 'I'm fluent in French and completely edible' Vartan, and the rest of the cast: obligatory gay neighbour/friend, plucky best friend who made successful independent career move (catering/interior design/salon owner/alternative therapies provider), ethnic minority assistant with attitude
2) LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN: APOCALYPSE - starring the cast of League of Gentlemen (Reese 'why am I so attractive' Shearsmith, Mark 'why don't my characters get better plots' Gatiss, Steve 'I'm always the woman' Pemberton) and a couple other funny guys whose names have escaped me.

Yes it was a busy weekend, folks, as you can see. I'm not going to go into too much detail since there are 4 to get through.

Pieces of April was suprisingly decent considering the protagonist was annoying Joey Potter. Patricia Clarkson was on form as usual, playing a cancer-riddled mother traveling with her over-achieving daughter, over-attentive husband, demented mother, and shaggy haired slightly irrelevant son to share her last Thanksgiving with her '1st Pancake' daughter for whom she does not possess a single happy memory. It was better than I expected and shorter than I expected a character piece to be. Perhaps it was my weepy mood, but I blubbered like a baby. I found each character quite entertaining, even the cheap 'who are you' jokes from the geriatric.

Phantom I'd already seen twice in the theatre (not because of it's spectacularness, but because like all big movies more than one person asked me to go and I felt guilty turning either down). It was cheesy, and to be fair it was meant to be. The best bit was the beginning when the old dusty condemned Opera Populaire is magically restored into its former glory with brilliant CGI, something unachievable in a stage production. Minnie Driver rocked and was hilarious. Emily Rossum was a bit boring and her voice was not Sarah Brightman's, but she was delicate and eensy and it took no stretch of the imagination to see why someone with a horrible disfigurement might find her beguiling. Gerard, oh Gerard, I want so badly for you to be a big Hollywood star, but I think perhaps small budget films with meaty characters is the way to go babe, you garnered no dazzling press from this endeavor.

Monster-in-law was entertaining, but typical and I really have no great praise for it. Everyone was really pretty and fun to look at. The outfits, especially the wedding dress (you know me) were fun to look at too. Every woman is looking for a Michael Vartan, but let me assure you that surgeons are nothing like him. Humility is not generally in their vocabulary, let alone genetic makeup. And most of them do not have his toned physique.

League of Gentlemen - you definitely have to be a fan of the show to enjoy this. It was good, but their most famous characters Papa Lazerou, Tubs and Edward, Pauline, etc... Made small contributions or were absent entirely, which may disappoint some fans. It was clever and not too overdone and I rather enjoyed the 'Protestant pretender' storyline. And of course it was lovely to see Her Lipp develop into such a warm fuzzy. The tone that was set with the minister's crude pontification on the filthiness of female self-pleasure was not sustained for long and it was difficult to tell whether this was an intentional humanisation of the characters or if they ran out of filthy jokes and word-play. It was the best movie of the weekend if only for it originality and for the mostly graceful putting to bed of a much loved cult classic.

I'm not nearly as articulate as Mandy when it comes to films, but I feel certain that she will not be writing a a review of any of these films, and I therefore pose no threat to her reign, nor do I risk feeling like smoo when she outdoes me.

I'm like totally having a like visceral reaction to this...no, wait, I just ate too much.

Just thought I'd say how glad I am that we don't talk like that anymore. Or do we? I'm actually quite scared really. When I actually become a doctor am I going to sound like one? Or are patients going to fear my very approach, fear I might put the catheter in the wrong hole or accidentally drop chewing gum into their hair. Because, y'all, like for real, I chew gum on the ward, I stare at my pores during my lunch hour, I say 'um', 'like', 'y'know', 'for real', and use a drawn out 'so' or 'so not' as an adjective and use all sorts of descriptive sound effects to convey the power of my cutting intellect. I know it's not entirely my fault, I am a product of my generation. But god y'all, it's embarassing in a professional setting and I just don't know how to kick the habit. And i think it's going to be worse when I move back to the US. Here no one talks like me so I have nothing reinforcing my inane 90210 speak. It really has diminished, but when I get back on the phone with an NC buddy, it floods back. Even with my mom who is not even American I do it. It's like because I associate her with home, I talk like a vocab retard (by the way, that is so not PC, and no one here says Spastic or Retard). I have a serious problem folks. I can use words like 'bifurcation', 'duodenum', and 'amorusis fugax' with gusto and confidence and yes, I actually know what they mean, but I'm totally discredited when i twirl my hair and get twang-happy. There is this theory that patients always trust the opinion of a doctor whose accent localises him/her to a place outwith the general vicinity of the area he/she works, as if they are some sort of specialist brought in, or more highly qualified because they are not local. No so for us American chicas. Goddam Dubbya, he's ruined it for us all! Where did it all go wrong? Free me from my crap verbalage nightmare!

P.S. This all came up when I visited m-w.com and read their Top 10 favourite words not in the dictionary, which got me realising that i make up my own words all the time and that really I sound like a total idiot. But most of all that I still have not grown out of teenager lingo.

MKH, the modern Jabberwocky

And, as in uffish thought he stood,

The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through

The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!

He left it dead, and with its head

He went galumphing back.

That was for you, MKH, that's the general idea of what I wanted to do to you when I got a verbal beating about my lack of posts! I'll have you know that Scotland is not as technolgically advanced as America. Ok, that's a lie, have you seen our cell phones? Light-years ahead of you guys and EVERYONE knows how to send and receive text messages, in fact we are well on our way to ceasing oral coversation altogether, who needs it when you have a whole 160 characters to say exactly what you mean without risking interuption - it's brilliant, especially for my friends who would find it difficult to get a word in edge-wise if it weren't for this modern miracle. Heck, we text each other when we're sitting on opposite sides of the room so we don't have to raise our voices (yeah right, when have I ever not raised my voice?)! No, but seriously, the nearest internet connection is 2 miles from my Granny's house and I don't drive (hello, roundabouts are scary shit folks), and it is always raining here, and when I'm in the hospital I'm glad to report that I am usually learning something moderately useful and not spending too much time on e-mails (my Radiology teaching was postponed till Friday before you ask). And I don't have enough money to buy a computer and get broadband, so you'll all just have to be bloody content with what you bloody well get! But I thought, 'well, I really must appease her,' so here it is. You'd better say thanks!