MEN ARE LIKE BUSES

That's all I'll say. No actually, I can't, it's not in my genetic make-up not to elaborate. I think we ladies must emit the right mix of pheramones (sp?) about once every 2 years or something and wham - eight men all of a sudden flock around us, flapping and squawking (There is variation of course. For some of us - Katie Wolicki - there is never a time when we are not emitting the right mix, and for others it seems we are always emitting the wrong kind, but for the girls somewhere in the middle it's about 2 years).

Now I'm not complaining. I, like the next girl, hang a lot of my self-worth on whether fanciable guys fancy me back, so when more than one guy that I like suddenly takes an interest, I'm flattered, but why, when I've known them for years, do they pick the same time to start acknowledging my existence in more than a platonic (shut up Mark) way???Was the lighting good? Was I wearing new body lotion? Did I leave the conversation at the right moment? Did I suddenly start saying all the things men want to hear? I really don't know! Hooking up is the reason for our being after all, and if we humans hadn't gone and complicated it all by starting wars and inventing the 3rd world (progressing at the expense of others), well, then there'd be nothing else to do but wander around having sex, getting married, getting bored, and starting all over again. But instead we have created problems that have nothing to do with finding a partner and decided that we must inject meaning into our lives by trying to fix them - the economy, the rainforest, the EU...We complicate and complicate until the time we have left for what we're actually here for dwindles and we get grumpy and pissy and create even more problems.

Ever notice how much happier you are, how the small things just don't seem to matter that much when you're in a good relationship? - Especially right there at the start, when the air is charged with tantalizing expectation and you haven't found the time to let all the bad stuff in yet! I like that place, but I like the places it goes after that too. Now it sounds like I'm whining about more than one boy liking me, but I'm not, really I promise. I just wish guys would admit that they are as complicated as we girls are, that there is some undercurrent perceptible only to men.

My other theory, which I have recently been pontificating on to various members of both sexes is that there are 2 types of people. Both men and women fall into two broad categories - the ones who only ever find someone desirable if they are clearly desired by someone else already, as if they must be validated first, proven worthy; and the ones for whom a sort of wall descends when they realise that someone else is attracted to or has claim over that person already. Now I think both are survival techniques and probably have a biological basis like most psychology. Possibly the former is the desire to have the most powerful and alluring mate, as if that trait is an indicator of virility, an indicator of strong offspring and success of later generations. Or it could simply be that the person lacks the confidence to choose a suitable mate and must rely on the eyes of others to do the job. The latter could be perceived as a means for the less dominant of the species to survive by conflict avoidance. If a potential mate approaches and is available then there is a safety, an absolute certainty that one can be successful. Where as absconding with another person's partner is a dangerous pursuit - not for the faint hearted.

Maybe this is an over simplification. My best friend also liked the first boy I ever really liked, and although we survived and were probably made stronger by that fact, we were not playing for keeps the way we would be now at the age of 22. Maybe it was this experience that pushed me into the latter category, maybe I am only there because of experience and not biology. Or could it be a mash of the two? I hate winning because it means someone else loses. But is this because I know what it feels like to lose? or is it something I always had? I find human sociology fascinating and I could go on, but I think I will leave it there.

In Honour of Richard Whiteley's unexpected death:

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(I haven't tried it yet, but give it a go)